Whose responsibility is it to start a conversation about the parents’ wills?  It’s frequently awkward for both parents and their adult children.  While the older generation often finds it difficult to talk about death, the younger generation has much less difficulty. As my aunt recently commented on the disparity, its because her generation are much closer to the end of their lives! 

Two years ago the Allainz life insurance company conducted a survey to study the attitudes, hopes, worries, priorities and goals of both the elder generation and their heirs. Their key findings are presented in the” Seven Myths of the American Legacy”. These findings are also applicable I believe to Canadians.  In order not to make this post too long, I will write a couple of posts summarizing the survey results.

 Myth #1 - Today’s legacy is like any other generation’s

The magnitude of the transfer of money and property is completely unprecedented and will dwarf the amount of money transferred by previous generations.  The over 65 population was the poorest a few decades ago and is now one of the wealthiest as a result of stock market growth, house prices going through the roof and corporate pensions and government benefits. This allows the elder generation to maintain and even increase their wealth throughout their later years.

 Families as we all know are more complex, more varied and more dispersed than before. Yesterday I spoke with a gentleman with 4 children and they all lived in different provinces.  Because of the size of the boomer generation, today’s elders will have more children to deal with as they try to equitably divide up their inheritance. In addition, we have seen high divorce rates, remarriages, step children, step grandchildren as well as children from multiple marriages.  The growing family complexity makes inheritances more difficult to plan, communicate and execute. Elders with step children are less confident their legacy will be successfully transferred and are also less likely to feel they should initiate a conversation with their heirs. They are also twice as likely to think their heirs might accuse them of squandering their inheritance.

 Lots of food for thought eh?

For my readers who live in Toronto, there will be a four minute spot on Metro Morning, 99.1 FM at 7:20 a.m.  The piece will include taped portions of my course. Legacy and Family Estate Planning at Ryerson University, as well as my interview with the reporter.  Very exciting!!

 As well, I am being interviewed this Monday for Sounds Like Canada,( the Vicky Gabareau show) This means national coverage of my story and the legacy issues I am so passionate about.  I’ll post a note when I know the time of date my interview will be played!!

I had lunch today with an old friend who told me the story of how his mother avoided potential disaster within the family by her will.  The father died a few years ago, leaving his wife and 4 children.  One of the sons was estranged from the family after a fight that occurred with his sister just after his father’s funeral. His mother was very concerned about this man’s lack of responsibility with money and the poor relations with her and the other family members. She was revising her will and decided to set up a trust fund so this son would receive a monthly cheque, rather than a lump sum after her death. My friend asked his mother to consider the long term consequences of this decision as his brother would feel singled out and treated differently from his siblings. Her first response was to think a trust fund for all four children would avoid that problem, but my friend wisely pointed out this would seem very controlling. Why, he asked, would she want to set up a process to control after her death. Just be generous and let her adult children spend the money as they wished. This last point had an impact on her and she wisely decided to  leave equal amounts of money to each of her children and with no strings attached.  A story with a happy ending!!

I want to wish everybody reading my blog a happy, healthy and fulfilling 2008.  What I also hope is that each of you has a will and that it is up to date. There are so many horror stories of people who for a variety of reasons, die without documenting their wishes. This leaves the family in a horrifying situation.  Here are a few examples I recently heard about:

1. A 90 year old man suddenly went into a coma without a will. Not only was he a lawyer who should have known better, but he had a 19 year old daughter who was left without any financial resources. She has had to quit university and take a job in order to support herself until this mess has been cleared up.

2. A loving father, grandfather and well-respected psychologist, died with a very out-of-date will, 3 children living in different provinces, and a nightmare of American and Canadian investments. It took 2 of the siblings many months to sort out the finances and close all of his accounts in 2 countries. One of the daughter’s in-law told me her husband was unable to go through a grieving process for the father he dearly loved, because of the anger and frustration resulting from spending a year in needless estate administration.

So, please do not let this happen to your family!!

My article ” Ethical Wills: Creating a Loving Legacy” will be published on www.50plus.com in the Lifestyles section. It will appear December 20 - 26 and I’ll insert the link in my blog once I see it on the website.

 We are having a horrendous snowstorm today in Toronto. Reminds me of what winters were like while I was growing up! Hope everybody stays safe and warm!!